"What’s Under Your Hood? Relationship Tune-up to Help You Clean Up Well"
By Dr. Cindy Brown
Relationships do take time and effort. These days we seem to not have time enough for everything. However we need to make time for things to work. We can all use a little reminding about how to keep them clean and running more smoothly. Kind of like your once every 3000 mile tune-up for your car! Here’s your Quick tune-up and clean-up for your relationships. Use these tips and tools and you’ll have them zipping along in no time! Read on...
 1. At the first sign of a mess, irritation or dislike in another person, or in a situation, first stand back and get a clear perspective of your part in it. I believe we always have some responsibility in any upset we are experiencing. Help yourself see your part then when our emotions are more stable, you can do step 2.
2. If you are not clear about your feelings, or about what happened to get you upset or irritated, then have your own committee meeting with yourself- Ask yourself the questions- What happened here? Why am I upset? What do I need to make this Ok for me? Listen to your inner voice for guidance, then proceed.
3. When you are more calm and clear about everything you can approach the other person or people. Make sure you use “I statements” and do not use blame language, negative or loud tone or negative body language or they will immediately shut down, be defensive and not listen to you, nor give you the attention or reaction you want.
 4. Ask whomever is involved some questions to help you clarify what happened, and to help you understand the situation and your feelings better, this is to help both of you.
5. Find out what the other person needs to be OK as well.
6. Listen and repeat back to the other person what they have said so they know you have been listening and they have been heard. This is called active listening.
7. Make sure you get heard as well and ask for what you need in a respectful way.
8. Negotiate what you both need, with calm, fair communication back and forth.
9. Make an agreement and commitment for how it will be different next time.
 10. Shake and/or hug and make up and/or apologize to make it official.
11. Call on a Relationship Specialist like me at 310-202-1610, to teach you more strategies and tools to clean up your messes and keep them clean for good!
These are just a few of the beginning strategies you can use when you experience a challenge in any of your relationships. Practice them whenever you feel upset, unfocused or unhappy in a situation for better clarity, self-understanding, personal growth and relationship success!
Remember: In order to be the person you have never been, In order to have the life and relationships you have never had, You must do what you have never done before. Give me a call or contact me so I can support you in having the best life you’ve ever had.
© 2007 - 2009 Dr. Cindy Brown
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Sorry, I can’t report on much from last week as I was sick (no I did not have Swine Flu, but I felt like crap!) and flat on my back in bed watching infomercials and reruns of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, uggg! I almost bought the Dual Saw, the Fix It Pen and Malibu Pilates chair, luckily I just wrote the websites down and haven’t been well enough to do anything else... almost though. Have you ever been tempted to buy that stuff? They are so convincing, especially when you are sick!
ONE DAY CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE! 
If you liked today’s issue, you’ll love Dr. Cindy’s ”