"Independence vs. Dependence: 4 Skills You Must Learn to Have Successful Relationships Now!"
By Dr. Cindy Brown, “The Relationship Strategist”
In my experience as a Behavior Specialist and Licensed Clinician for over 19 years, the amount of independence or dependence you have in your relationships is often an indication of the level of your psychological and emotional health and usually a predictor of how successful your relationships will be with others.
It is known that we grow through certain psychological and developmental stages throughout our early childhood into adulthood. Some of us grew through them with ease, because we were nurtured and cared for by consistent, attentive parents or caregivers. But many of you may have had inconsistent, unhealthy, or non-existent parenting and care-giving that could have had an impact on your early childhood development and thus has impacted the level of your psychological health and dependence or independence as you mature and grow in life.
The good news is that even if you didn’t have the best parenting or parents as good role models, you can still learn the skills and behaviors to improve your psychological health, decrease dependence and increase independence or increase dependence and increase independence; which ever is at an unhealthy imbalance.
I teach individuals and couples these tools and skills so they too can create successful relationships with themselves and others. These are 4 things you must have in order to be emotionally healthy and have successful relationships personally and professionally:
Self-Awareness: It is important to be self-aware for you to have successful relationships with others. You must be able to understand that your behavior has an impact (positively or negatively) on others and care what that impact is. A good skill to learn is being aware of, and understanding other people’s body language. When you can understand this you can gauge how people are experiencing you and learn to use it to your advantage. I coach people to learn this skill and use it successfully in their relationships at the office, as well as personally.
Self-Responsibility: Believe it or not, ultimately you are responsible to take care of yourself emotionally and physically once you are the legal age of 18. Before that, you are allowed to be dependent on your parent(s) and your parent(s) or caregivers are required by law to take care of you. Hopefully your parent(s), even while you were still young, started to teach you the beginning skills of independence, helping you learn how to take care of yourself if a parent leaves your sight, doesn’t bring you something right away, or you get hurt or upset. These were the beginning skills that were important to learn in order for you to learn independence vs. dependence. These can help you in relationships today, or you can work with a coach like me who can help you learn and be aware of them now. Too often I see couples that one partner expects the other to make them happy, make them always feel good, take care of them etc. The healthiest couples have a healthy balance of independence vs. dependence.
Emotional Management: To have successful relationships you must be able to manage adequately your own thoughts, feelings and behaviors. A person who is able to calm herself down and soothe herself by herself when upset or unhappy will probably be able to have healthier relationships. A person who is angry or upset, who can talk himself down and be able to discuss an issue calmly will most likely have better relationships. Usually a person who knows how to use the EMT™ (Emotional Management Technique which is taught in my Are you Stressed home study product, in my Cinderella System book and in my coaching sessions) can have healthier, more successful relationships by using the techniques and tools I teach to better manage their emotional system.
Needs Management: As human beings, we have the following basic needs: sleep, nutrition & hydration, elimination, love & belonging, safety & shelter. We all need varying degrees and amounts of these to function and survive. When we know ourselves well we know what amounts of these we need to perform at our very best. I am one of those individuals who know myself very well. And as I have gotten busier and more successful, I have had to take care of my needs better by myself, or hire someone to help me do so in order to be most successful. This independence and dependence on myself allows me to have a good relationship with myself AND have successful relationships with others. One of my specialties is to help people become aware of what their unique needs are and better manage and take care of them, so they can be more successful as well!
Above are the beginning 4 skills you must learn or have in order to be emotionally healthy and have successful relationships both personally and professionally. Begin to learn and practice these skills so you, too, can have Successful Relationships Now!
Remember: In order to be the person you have never been, In order to have the life and relationships you have never had, You must do what you have never done before: Give me a call at 310-202-1610 or Contact me so I can support you in having the best life you’ve ever had!
© 2007-2009 Dr. Cindy Brown
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It’s sure been HOT here in Los Angeles lately! We are finally getting our heat on, so I’ve been spending a lot of time outdoors, at the beach, reading, writing, hanging with my sweetheart. I’ve allowed myself a lot more free time the last few weeks since my event wrapped and my vacation. It seems that since I have slowed down and allowed myself time, I can see myself and my life more clearly and what I want for my future. I have really been noticing what’s important and what’s not.
If you liked today’s issue, you’ll love Dr. Cindy’s ”