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“Relationship Bumps and Bruises; How to get up when you have fallen down”
By Dr. Cindy Brown, “The Business &
Relationship Dr.”
Relationships take a lot of focus and attention for them to be successful. They are not what we saw on television in Leave it to Beaver or on Brady Bunch. Sometimes this process can be fun, enlightening and exciting, and sometimes it can be a bumpy ride and you can even fall down and have a difficult time getting up.
 Recently a couple came into my office for one of my 6-hour Relationship Makeover sessions. They had been experiencing some bumpy weeks when they called me. When they came in we examined all the areas they were having difficulty with and we also looked at the areas they were being successful. We discovered that the areas they were putting a lot of time, energy and focus in- they were doing well with, and the areas they were neglecting- were a bit bumpy. I gave them exercises to discover their individual part in the issues they were challenged by and we explored the ways they can each improve and change. They learned specific strategies and tools to improve those areas and we practiced them in the session for feedback and success.
Here are a few tips for you to use right now for your relationship success: When you notice a bump in a relationship you are in...
 First: Stop and give yourself some space to go inside and dialog with yourself. Ask yourself a series of questions to understand the situation better and to get clear on all your parts and triggers. What am I feeling? What just happened? What is my part, what is the others part? What am I needing right now? What can I give myself and what do I need from the other? What would make me happy right now?
Sometimes we need to give ourselves something to get over the bump and we can only discover this by getting away from the situation and asking ourselves the questions stated above. **Remember other people are not responsible for our feelings, happiness, or being-ness, we must be!
 Second: Do some writing to further clarify your thoughts and feelings and give yourself time to create a game plan for how to move forward. When we write things out we seem to create more space for emotions to work themselves out more easily. My favorite saying is “When emotions are high intelligence is low.” In other words, when we are deep in an argument or discussion and negative emotions are triggered, often times we cannot understand or know what we need or what we need to do in the situation (we are cloudy).
I have couples create a notebook at home or online where they can write notes to each other when they can’t speak what they need to say to each other. I then give them strategies to be able to verbalize to each other better in person without their emotions getting in the way.
 Third: If necessary have a discussion with the person involved after you have calmed down and know your part and know what you need to be resolved. Be careful of how you approach this person. Use a communication script like “is it an ok time to talk, would you be open to us talking for about 10 minutes about x?
Always ask for permission and let the other person know how long you feel the discussion will take. You will have less resistance and more success with these opening strategies. For more communication strategies check out my CD and Guidebook jam-packed with some of the very strategies I teach my couples in my Relationship Makeovers.
These are just a few of the beginning strategies you can use when you experience a bump in any relationship, or you have fallen down. Practice them whenever you feel upset, unfocussed or unhappy in a situation for better clarity, self-understanding, personal growth and relationship success!
Remember: In order to be the person you have never been, In order to have the life and relationships you have never had, You must do what you have never done before. Give me a call or
contact me so I can support you in being the best you you’ve ever been and having the best 2007!
© 2007 Dr. Cindy Brown
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Behavior and Relationship Specialist Dr. Cindy Brown “The Business & Relationship Doctor.” publishes the amazing Live Healthy, Work Healthy & Be Wealthy Monthly ezine with 100's of subscribers. If you're ready to jump-start your relationships in the boardroom, or in the bedroom get your FREE Special Report & Audio Class now at www.SuccessfulRelationshipsNow.com. |
Well, I have as the weather has been great here in Southern California (sorry for you others). Yes the past few weeks I have been out enjoying the sun, exercising and rollerblading. The funny thing is, I had just told my sweetheart a few weeks ago that I never fall when I skate... OOOPs! I should “never say never!” Guess what? The Law of Attraction (that law in nature described recently on Oprah and made into the best selling - 
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